Journey of Discovery by
Becky
Part 3: Reaction
My first
reaction, I’m ashamed to say, was blind panic. That night, and
every night for weeks after, I had every light in the apartment
on at all times. I didn’t sleep, didn’t eat, and rarely had a
rational thought. I had no one I could confide in and I felt
extremely alone and terrified. For two weeks, I took vacation
and sick time from work as I tried to pull myself back
together. I remember sitting up in bed for several nights, all
night long, clutching a kitchen knife for protection. It
finally occurred to me that if I were to fall asleep, I could
seriously injure myself. I think that’s when I started to calm
down a bit and begin the long journey of handling this part of
my life.
Those two
weeks after reading Communion are easily some of the
worst times I have endured. To this day, I’m not sure how I got
back on my feet and went on with the business of living,
but I did. I went back to work, back to a social life, and back
to family. I never mentioned it to anyone, although it
dominated my thoughts and feelings. I bought other books on the
subject, but I was unable to read them. I would get one or two
pages in and feel myself beginning to fall apart again. I
stacked them up to collect dust and moved on. I had a computer
at the time, so I began searching there for information. For
some reason, it was easier to digest from that source and I
began learning. Each confirmation I found was difficult to
accept; I so wanted to be wrong about this.
I came up
with wild theories to explain what happened to me. At different
times, I decided it was all in my imagination, that it was some
kind of ghostly phenomenon, and that I had Spirit Guides. I
searched through new age belief systems and more traditional
religions. I spoke with people on the internet and tried to
make myself believe it wasn’t happening at all. At one point, I
decided I had a psychiatric disorder, but then had trouble
explaining how it wasn’t affecting other areas of my life. If I
was hallucinating, it stood to reason that I would be
hallucinating at work and with others around as well. It
finally occurred to me that the physical symptoms I was having
could not be explained away. What kind of hallucination leaves
bruises and puts your clothes on inside out? It may sound odd,
but I was very upset when I finally came to this realization.
If it had been merely something in my own mind, there was still
hope of putting an end to it. Medication, therapy; there was
hope of a cure. Not so with abductions. It goes on without
your consent for your entire life and there is no control over
it. However, the abduction phenomenon remains the only theory
that ever encompassed all the symptoms I have experienced
throughout my life. The day I accepted this, I felt very alone
and afraid.
Part 1 | Part 2
| Part 3 | Part 4 |
Contents
