Memoirs of Shadows by Laura
Part 4: Adulthood
When I became an adult I had already had many years of training and indoctrination in what it was like to be a victim of an act that was both unreportable and unbelievable. I continued to have abductions but I had the comfort of two things-alcohol and the "spiritual" event people. I became involved with some New Age and traditional spiritual practices and they for the most part were able to explain my experiences as visitations from angels, spirit guides, demons, or ghosts. The problem was that these explanations didn't always work as the grays couldn't always pull off looking like any of these.
My screen memories were somewhat convincing in appearance, but the behavior of these entities never quite fit. Why do spirit guides need to perform gynecological procedures and why couldn't I remember all the great stuff they were supposedly teaching me? Why do angels and demons need spaceships?
In my twenties I was driving down a highway when "the devil" appeared in the back seat of my car and tried to take it over. Also several times the spirit of my deceased grandfather appeared to me-always when I was alone. These events have not been fully explored but I suspect they are not paranormal events.The fear remained and my alcohol consumption eventually had to stop.
The spiritual solution quit working, so I turned to the UFO groups. I joined MUFON and it was there that I met Dr. David Jacobs. At that point in my life I was fairly certain of my abductions and needed answers and support. I was more aware of the abductions and some of the memories were very detailed and I turned to Dr. Jacobs for help investigating them. Regression hypnosis is not to be undertaken lightly and it tends to open a door that can never be closed again.
I do not regret my decision to proceed and it gave me a new peace that I cannot fully explain. It also presented new problems but they are not shadowy and fragmentary. I have had much support with the memories and ongoing events. The events have been frequent but I feel somehow more able to deal with them. I have a video camera trained on me at night. It has provided relief as I perceive a decrease in events and a feeling of security that has allowed me to sleep with less fear. Nothing works 100%, but I am willing to take something that works perhaps 80% of the time.
I feel at times that I am leading two lives, one that I share with everyone and the other one that involves abductions. As I am new to these awarenesses I am still learning how to integrate all of this information. The grays are not spirit guides and I believe not here to help anyone but themselves. As Dr. Jacobs once told me, I have broken through their secrecy and now I feel I have hope.
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